Dear Mr. Marshfield,
If you care to venture into a dragon’s lair with me, then seek me out a little after noon this Saturday near the Boar Fountain. I plan to do battle with my bankbook, and perhaps you might bring along your own, should you wish. A young lady needs champions.
Yours & etc,
Mrs. Jannia Pickthorn
Half-moon Bakery, Snowflood
Cedric, please tell your master to send up nine loaves rather than the usual three, and modify our delivery schedule for every third day, if you please.
H. Leafcutter Smith
Would you be so kind as to bring by the documents we discussed? There is no rush.
We will expect you to dinner with your sister this weekend. Please do keep in mind the posted requests for hygiene, since this is a place of business for the sick.
H. Leafcutter Smith
Your cat had an unfortunate encounter with another cat, almost certainly some sort of lawbreaking feline. Alas, no arrests were made, but I’ve taken our wounded hero to the veterinarian and will be late to luncheon. This in no way exempts you from eating what’s been left, including the vegetables. I put bacon in. If you see a stray tom missing part of an ear, do arrest him for assault.
To the basset hound who peed on my spot,
You are an inferior dog and very likely a lazy cur, if not a biter of ankles and a destroyer of shoes. In fact, I’m astonished you had the wherewithal to pee outside and not on your master’s rug. No wonder no bitches want to mate with you, no matter how much they’re in heat. Stay away from my spot and if I ever catch you mating with the wolfhound down the road, I will bite your head off. Sniff it and weep, sucker.
Got a bargun on paint, onlee its this veerd purpel culur. Vee haf sevun of the kans. Shud vee mix it wit mor red? Blak? You are better at this kind off thing. Help.
Also, cud yu fead zee chikuns? I think I furgot becuz of zee paint.
Toby, make sure you remind folks how to write their addresses proper? We’re getting all kinds of errors.
Make sure you remember your warm cloak. Gaffer Tibbs says he feels chill coming.
She’s here, and she’s wonderful; strong, defiant, and very much her own lady. I think you’ll like her. Come visit?
I’ve been sent a pamphlet from the women’s advancement society in Gondor, of all things, though it’s quite out of date. I’ve copied it for you, particularly the section on rational female dress. Could you make some up for me? I think my apprentice and ward might also like to try them.